(“Fuck Real Life!” #MDF) was a Twitter post on Sunday evening and a pretty dead-on summation of Maryland Deathfest this past weekend in Baltimore. Over the last four days, hundreds of black-clad, spike encrusted, tattooed freaks of all
walks of life, from all across the country and even globe, descended upon the Sonar, a 1400 capacity rock club buried in the industrial section of the City of Baltimore. “Real Life” a.k.a. shitty jobs, responsibilities and hygiene were
left behind as heshers and hashers traveled far and wide to bang their heads/fists, drink beer, meet some fellow mutants and live the life for four full days of metal. The ninth installment of the festival was packed with over
60 bands from all sub-genres of heavy music, bringing heavy metal fans a lethal dose of audio brutality. The festival takes place inside Sonar’s main room and the surrounding area of the club, fenced off, with 2 huge stages and a few dozen merchant tents. In these tents are a true metal fan’s sloppy wet dream, packed
with more backpatches, vinyl, pins, cassettes, rare t-shirts, illegible death metal logos, satanic nazi black metal and overall euphoric, heavy metal commerce.  I’ve heard tales of the glorious wonders that Maryland Deathfest had
to offer a husky grind-freak such as myself, so it was time I went down the rabbit hole and see what’s on the other side.

My partner in crime was none other than the Tiny Terror herself, Melody Henry, the Queen Bee of Lucky 13 Saloon. We armed ourselves with SPF 100, a pocket full of American cash money, stacks of Lucky 13 and SteelheadEntertainment.com stickers, sunglasses, and your narrator brought a fat sack of Brooklyn’s finest
to make some friends down there.

After seeing Converge at Santos Party House the night before (separate story, yet killer show), getting up early was still a necessity in order to catch a cheapie bus outside of Madison Square Garden where a few Italian metal heads
fresh off a flight from JFK were also heading to MDF. They came to party for the weekend and at all cost get upfront for Coroner! We jumped on the bus and headed to Baltimore ready to destroy.

After getting dropped off in the equivalent of East New York of Baltimore, we hustled to a cab before the crackheads could smell us and found the hotel. We tossed our bags down, geared up and power walking to the venue to try and catch the opening bands. The Maryland Deathfest is really a 3 day show, the Thursday segment is like the “warm-up” as in it is only indoors, the outdoor stages were built Thursday night into Friday to avoid the heat, and with good reason. Over the 4 days, temperatures reached the mid-90s. Sunburned patrons dropped like sacks of potatoes as if they had been unplugged from The Matrix. If you are not careful to stay hydrated, you could be in real trouble. Luckily there were 3-4 FREE WATER stations. That’s right folks…FREE! A word almost unheard of at most of the outdoor festivals I have been to before. There were a few moments where those free water coolers really paid off to have. Like when I was hallucinating during Hail of Bullets. Drinks were very reasonable, Bartenders were friendly
and merch was very affordable. You could not ask for a better run extreme music festival.

Now for a run down of who ruled and who drooled. I’ll break it down by the day and what I saw. I did not get to see everyone on the entire festival because, at a few points, there were overlaps, but for the most part there was always a band playing and it was rare that there was a direct conflict.

Thursday Line-up
WITCHAVEN – 4:45-5:15
SHITSTORM – 5:30-5:55
NOISEAR – 6:10-6:40
MIASMAL – 6:55-7:30
LACK OF INTEREST – 7:45-8:20
FLESH PARADE – 8:35-910
EXTORTION – 9:25-10:00
BUZZOV*EN – 10:15-11:00
TRAGEDY – 11:15-12:00
CATHEDRAL – 12:15-End

Thursday- arrived at 6:30pm just in time to miss NOISEAR completely. I really wanted to see them. Fuck.

MIASMAL- Wasn’t bad, I could have just been pissed I missed NOISEAR  but these Swedish death metallers weren’t doing it for me. It felt like the same song throughout but my interest perked up when they started soloing. Any band good enough to make it out of Sweden to over hear has their shit together musically.  Not dazzling but not too shabby.

LACK OF INTEREST- Exactly. West coast noise-grind. 30 second songs. Singer’s banter involved the phrase “Lets see what the East Coast is made of” in one way shape or form. Wasn’t feeling them. As soon as I was digging a killer part of
their song, boom, it was over and they were 4-counting the start of the next song. Got old, very quick. However they did keep the energy of the crowd moving.

FLESH PARADE- New Orleans grind violence! These guys fucking killed. Not only did the pit fill up with costumed freaks (Santa, Mexican wrestlers in tutus, chicken suits) hurling hundreds of glow sticks and armed with life-size
inflatable monkeys, but the singer proceeded to power-hump one of said monkeys while he screeched through their second song. They tore the roof of the Sonar.  Before FLESH PARADE, I was slightly worried that I may be sitting through four days of lackluster bands, but they, through their million bmp power-grind, pig
squeals and ruthless start-stop breakdowns, assured me that the fun was just beginning. They get my nod for most brutal band on day one.

http://youtu.be/9L8pk9j0J6s

EXTORTION- Didn’t like the first two songs, so went outside to rip some bowls and meet some freaks. We split a veggie burger and I guzzled some $5 16oz Yeungling keg beer. We ran into some other New York crushing tune-fiends like

members of Mutant Supremacy, Facing the Sun, and Luis & Liz who run the Tones of Death shows. As soon as my ears started to rumble, we knew it was time to get back inside for BUZZOV*EN.BUZZOV*EN- Supreme heft. This band was fuzzed out beyond belief. They played, what could be described as, their more “upbeat” material instead of their usual spaced out stonerey. The vocals were super abrasive in the best way and the band was hammering in perfect synchronicity. People were groaning along to the lyrics
and pounding their fists as they sludge-slammed the shit out of Sonar. A long-dreaded crust next to me in the pisser said “I think i just dislocated my brain, dude” I feel you on that one Smelly.

TRAGEDY-These guys tore through a set with what can only be described as fury. The D-beat machines thrashed, ripped, crushed and pillaged their way through a huge set, full of entire-room sing-alongs, windmilling chugs and blistering solos. I’ve never seen this band before or even heard their records really, but
I’m sold on them for life. Amazing.

CATHEDRAL- Day one was winding down, good pacing was not put into practice, lungs and livers were pushed too hard and too early as we awaited what some say was Cathedral’s last show ever. The room lit up when they took the stage and plowed through a classic set. They have sealed their place in heavy music’s history and were in top form. However, the skintight purple turtleneck that Lee Dorrian was wearing was outrageous, even by West Village standards. Melody
actually shot Grey Goose out of her nose when he walked on stage. Ridiculous.

Day one in the books. Headed to a 24-Hour Subway for a tasty footlong sangy and a walk on Baltimore’s “Strip Club Strip”. Walking back to the hotel involved facing a slalom of ashy prostitutes, dodging crackheads, but arriving at our
lodging seeking a face full of pillow and a cranked air conditioner.

Friday Line-up
IIMPALERS – 4:00-4:30
NAILS – 4:45-5:15
PULLING TEETH – 5:30-6:00
MACHETAZO – 6:40-7:20
CRIPPLE BASTARDS – 8:25-9:05
KYLESA – 10:45-11:25
EXHUMED – 11:40 – 12:25
MARDUK – 12:40-END

Outside Stage 1 (main)
AURA NOIR – 6:00-6:50
CORROSION OF CONFORMITY – 7:20-8:20
NEUROSIS – 9:10-10:45

Outside Stage 2
NOCTURNAL -4:25-500
FUNEBRARUM – 5:15-5:55

Friday – Headed poolside around 1pm at the lovely Sheraton hotel. Some heshers were there in the shade with a cooler full of beer. I jump in the freezing cold water to relieve the feedback in my brain. Guaranteed hangover relief. Melody
scans her iPad to find a vegan spot for face-stuffing before the long haul of another 10-12 hour day of death metal. Back to the room to make one of the toughest decisions a metalhead can make…What T-shirt am I going to wear? Arrived
at the venue at 4:30pm. Hungover. Big time.

NAILS – This band is just beyond vicious. They must have played 10-12 songs in that half hour set. I am convinced that this band is what Hatebreed wishes it sounded like. Its a mutant hybrid of hardcore, grind and just general
whoop-assery. The crowd was going apeshit and they are the second band of the day. After crushing, the singer says that they are very lucky to be on this stage today, however they more than earned that spot with the vulgar display of
power they just put on. One of the best bands of the weekend. On that note I make a beeline to the beer truck. Is it too early to start drinking? The fuck if I care.

http://youtu.be/iXyCEV_xby4

PULLING TEETH- Weren’t anything special. it was noisy, spazzy, and it certainly wasn’t what I wanted to hear after NAILS just stomped my eardrums. Some people were into it, but the majority of people headed to the merch room or outside. We headed outside to see AURA NOIR and see some freaks.

AURA NOIR (outdoor) – Not very menacing in the day light. Their sound was a little weak and underwhelming. I couldn’t pay attention to them.  Sorry Black Metallers, I know they are kind of a big deal, but I was bored. I’m sure the 90 degree weather wasn’t helping their cause either. We scanned the outdoor merch booths and found FLESH PARADE were sold out of XL “Kill Whitey” shirts. Shit. I got 2 more beers and Melody looked at the invisible watch on her wrist and said “Its Boozin’ time!” Grey Goose was on the loose.

CORROSION OF CONFORMITY(outdoor) – This was the original line-up, sans Pepper Keenan, so they were playing all the older material such as cuts from “Animosity.” I didn’t enjoy them, Bass player/singer Mike Dean would not shut
up. The older people in the crowd were digging it, but the younger folk could care less. It wasn’t very brutal and I think they were put on for nostalgia reasons. We wandered around and ran into Danny and Ronny from Malignancy and
shot the shit. They had just arrived and were eager to party. To the Bar!

CRIPPLE BASTARDS- These guys ruled!!!! From Italy, these noise/punk/grindslayers were packed with energy and got the crowd to a boiling frenzy. The singer had the “crazy eyes” while holding the microphone over his head with both hands when he wasn’t screaming his guts out. Crowd surfers, circle pits, all the signs of a good set were there. These guys almost never stopped playing, slamming from one song into the next. The Italian punk bashers really made their mark on the crowd.

http://youtu.be/LzhWlDaKERQ

NEUROSIS (outdoor) – All day the sky had signs of a possible storm, that same cloud that kept the sun off your back was now the cloud that was going to take a giant piss on MDF. Neurosis were setting their gear up as people packed in closer and tighter. We found a spot on the hill next to the stage where we ran into Phil from Municipal Waste and packed some bowls in anticipation for the post-metal demigods to hit the stage. B0o0o0om! Thunder clapped and it was as if the sky opened up. It began to rain. Hard. Melody and I looked at each other and simultaneously said “Fuck this!”  We weaved our way back inside and waited for the rain to stop. People would not give up their beloved spot they fought for
and stood outside for the entire 20-minute storm. Luckily Neurosis didn’t play during the rain. After I poked my head outside I saw that it wasn’t raining, we zigged and zagged and got back to the exact spot we were standing at before the
storm.  Neurosis’s crew dried the stage and equipment. The show was about to start. The intro to “A Sun that Never Sets” kicked in and it was as if it was synched with the purple sky’s lightning display. They tore through a supremely
heavy set and were in full-on showmen mode. Neurosis were amazing.

http://youtu.be/1lct4Ih-0Ls

KYLESA – Taking a spot way up front for Kylesa, up against the railing, ready to get sonically trounced. Kylesa ripped through a great set, covering material off of their newest album Spiral Shadow and my personal favorite Static Tensions.  The dual drum attack was super tight and Philip Cope’s use of the theremin was mind blowing. This shook the crowd awake after the hypnotizing set that Neurosis just dropped on people.

EXHUMED – I’m saying it now, this was my favorite band of the whole weekend.  This band just buzzsawed the faces off of people, ripping through a career spanning set, playing everything from oldies like Casketkrusher to cuts off
their new album All Guts, No Glory. They busted out the chainsaw on more than one occasion and were just pummeling the shit out of the crowd with their blitzkrieg chugging, blast beats and molten solos. Matt Harvey was smiling from
ear to ear as the crowd went crazy right in front of him. Bodies in the air, fists in faces and beer flying everywhere. They closed the set with Matt coming out holding a severed head by the hair, pulling the neck out and letting about a
gallon of blood splash down into his mouth. Blood was all over the stage and I’m sure Marduk had zero problems with that.

MARDUK – The last band of the night was a little soft compared to EXHUMED. They came out with their corpse paint and the ladies went wild. There were a ton of gals there in their Marduk gear screeching for them to start, including Melody.  Which leads me to my theory that most black metal is the equivalent of hair metal. These guys get decked out, in what I would call a uniform, with their chains, makeup, long hair and gauntlets. It’s a little too Motley Crue for me.
Maybe it was EXHUMED’s fault for rocking too hard, but I thought Marduk were lame. Could have been the million beers I drank or the long day of sweating to brutal death metal but a scratchy black metal band was the last thing I wanted to see at that point.  We left the venue and trudged to Subway on the seedy Baltimore strip that was littered with low-class strip joints, D grade hookers and hoodlums full of Hennessy. Grabbed sandwiches and crawled back to the Sheraton. Day two was a wrap. Good shit.